bigstuf(f).

I am constantly amazed at how good our God is.
This week I had the honor and pleasure of attending a conference called BigStuf in Panama City Beach, Florida with our high schoolers from church.  I knew the week was going to be good but I didn't realize how much the Lord was going to rock my world.

It's funny because I don't even think I understood how much the Lord as was working in me this week.  On the surface, I was participating in incredible worship that was probably the closest glimpse to Heaven I've ever experienced, I was completely confirmed and encouraged in being an intern at First Pres for the summer, and I was being blow away by our youth who was thirsting for God in a way I never could of imagined.

It wasn't until I got home and began the transition process of coming from a spiritually high week that I realized the astounding amount of process God had been doing in building me up and transforming me.


I'm going to completely honest in saying that recently I've been struggling with how I perceive myself.  I think it's something most, if not all, girls go through as some point in their lives.  But I didn't even realize how much I disliked myself until my best friend straight up called me out on it before we left for BigStuf.  I realized that I was looking for affirmation and encouragement from my friends, trying to find a comfort and satisfaction in their comments but all the while unable to accept their love because I didn't even love myself.  I began to pray that the Lord would allow me to see myself how he sees me.  This past week was hard for me.  I work hard to cover up my body and being in an environment where is was crazy hot and it is generally common to wear fewer clothes than normal, I found myself floundering.  How could I possibly feel confident strutting around in my bathing suit?  Nevertheless, God continued to show me how hard I am on myself, and how my worth is not based on looks.  It's still a work in process but the Lord is showing me how to love who he has created me to be.

[Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.]

-Proverbs 31:30 

As the week wore on, I began to have some anxiety.  One night, Louie Giglio spoke and proceeded to go around to the students and ask them what they wanted to be when they grew up.  I was amazed by some of their answers, but began to panic as the thought, "I have NO idea" ran through my mind in response to the question.  Yet, the more I thought about it, I realized my answer was really that I wanted to do whatever it was that God wanted me to do.  It kind of seemed like a cop out but that's how I genuinely felt.  I ended up talking with my friend and fellow intern later that night, kind of spilling my guts about how overwhelmed I was.  Her ability to listen to me ramble and encourage me was a blessing but I still felt like so many questions were still unanswered.

The next day, in our morning session I received my answer from the Lord.  Jared Herd was the speaker that morning and one of the first things he said really hit home.  He said, "There is a big difference between believeing IN God and believing God."  He continued saying God wants us to trust him in whatever situation may be brought our way and to know that he will guide us.

He had us look at a passage from Exodus 16 which goes like this:

"The whole Israelite community set out from Elim and came to the Desert of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they had come out of Egypt.  In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron.  The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the LORD’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.” 

 

He used this passage to explain that so many times we are unable to see God's providence in bad situations.  We don't trust him enough to truly believe he has a plan that is more perfect than anything we could imagine for ourself.  So more often than not we will stay in situations that aren't good for us or are miserable because we are too scared to step into the mystery that God has for us.  We lack trust in him.  Yet when we finally take that step into the mystery, we are showing the Lord the confidence we have in his plan.

Jared ended the session saying this, 

"I don't know where I'm going but I know the One I'm following."

Immediately, I understood that that was God's response to my questions of where my life was going.  It wasn't about knowing specifics; it was lesson in TRUST.  I know God is calling me to "big stuff" but more than that, he wants me to fully rely on his perfect plan.  That realization, which I feel like I have often, made me again see how completely unknown my future is.  I've gone through so many instances where I make the plans for my life and yet I'm completely missing the beauty that is the unknown.  My future has so many incredible possibilities and I never know what is going to be coming right around the corner.  My eyes were truly opened to multitude of potential avenues for my life.  I'm stunned at the freedom that comes from that revelation.

I want to share one last thing with you.  This song was one we literally sang all week as a group at BigStuf.  I have had it on repeat since I got home and have currently listened to it 43 times in the past 22 hours.  I think the chorus really perfectly sums up the amount of work that the Lord has been doing in my heart this past week.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

Beautiful Things video-- Gungor


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