inappropriate restlessness.

Restlessness.  This is pretty much the summary of my life lately.
I'm struggling to concentrate on school or really have motivation for anything.  For some reason lately, I've come to a realization that I'm not always going to be in Harrisonburg, and honestly having been here for 20 almost 21 years, it's getting a little old.  I love Harrisonburg, but I'm ready for something new.  God has really been showing me how he plans on using me for something more than I can imagine.  And while I have no idea what it's for, I'm blown away because I never expected that for myself.

In fact, I thought I had my whole life planned out.  And you can see that this is already going to be interesting because I'm referring to my plan and not God's.  But all of a sudden God took control and those plans crumbled.  No longer did I feel safe in this pre-determined future.  I was standing in the middle of a path, starring completely into the uncertain unknown.  And I was not excited about it.  And in fact, I was incredibly scared.  I was not ready to trust God with my future.

Anyone who has been in a situation similar to mine knows that trust not something that happens over night.  Trust is a really hard concept to learn.  I think it was even harder for me to trust God with my future because I always believed it to be a very simple, mediocre, kind of bland future.  And I can say this in hindsight.  Then, of course, it seemed perfect.  But when I think of that life I had planned for myself, it feels lacking.  It's lacking color and vibrancy and LIFE.  Especially now that God has shown me that he can truly use me for something beautiful and colorful and AMAZING.  I doubted that I could be a vessel God wanted to use.

 

http://xfallxoutxgirlsx.deviantart.com/art/Jump-Balloons-136953121

song of the day #12: love never fails.

So.  Today is Valentine's Day.
I'm not gonna lie it's one of the days I dread most.  Valentine's Day kinda of makes me gag.
Mostly that's just my way of saying that in order to hide the unbearable feelings that come up on holidays, I pretend to be comedically disgusted with them.  It's a facade folks.

The past couple of days have been "off" days for me.  I get this way around most holidays.  Again, I'm gonna be honest and admit I don't like holidays.  I generally like the idea of holidays, but they never quite turn out the way they should.  Most of the time they tend to bring up memories and touch old scars.  

Valentine's Day inparticular is hard.  The concept of love is something that I have wrestled with for a long time.  And I will admit, I feel like I understand more about love and what it means to love than a lot of people my age.  I definitely don't presume to know everything, but like most, I've had my fair share of experiences for my young age.

It is probably obvious that I'm single.  And don't get me wrong, I really am content with where I am in my life.  God has given me this gift of singleness and I am embracing it completely.  Yet, recently there have been some events in my life that have caused me to unfairly question the love of the people around me.  Christ has been showing me the significance of this.

 

http://emoland.deviantart.com/art/jesus-is-love-40208330 

a thanks long overdue.

So I suck at life.
This blog post in particular is ridiculously overdue.
I'm sure that the majority of you have noticed my freakin' sweet banner at the top of my blog.  And while I would like to take credit for such an awesome masterpiece, I would be lying.  That beaut was designed by the creative mind of one my good friends, Jeremy Cherry.

 Photo taken from the archives of Sara Willard

Jer Cher graciously accepted my request for that rockin' banner in November and I have been meaning to thank him.  Jerk Chicken, I apologize and hope that you forgive me.

Jay Bird is also a very accomplished blogger himself, so I suggest you all scoot on over to American Jeremy and take a look!

new favorite commercial.

I don't know if you all have seen the new Google Search Stories but you're in for a real treat.  This one was shown last night during the Super Bowl but apparently they have been online for several months now.  I thought the new Dorito commercial was my favorite, but this one definitely takes the cake.  Check out Parisian Love. 

 

http://clapyourfingers.deviantart.com/art/Second-version-Love-in-Paris-126561818

we are the best campus cookie customers ever.

Tonight was the most epic of nights.
SKys and I became the BEST Campus Cookie customers in history.
Let me lay it out for you...

SKys had a project to do.  Something with hats.  Anyways, she was making a paper hat.  And we just decided that tomorrow we will start our sudo-anorexic diets.  DISCLAIMER:  We are NOT ACTUALLY GOING TO BECOME ANOREXIC.  So, obviously, in order to go out with a bang, we decided, well SKys decided, that we should order Campus Cookies.  She also came up with the brilliant idea to make our CC deliverer a paper hat.  And also to add some artwork with a superhero named Cookie Man, which I happily supplied.  Here are some pictures.

 

a haiku for snowmagedon.

snow is not my friend
i would punch it if i could
get me out of here

...but seriously, I feel nauseous.  I have been in this house WAAAAYYY too long.

http://arbeesrainbowvomit.deviantart.com/art/I-hate-snow-48408018

song of the day #11: give it all away.

All I can say it that Jesus is knocking HARD on my heart right now.  School is in session and he is teaching me!

Last night was a little bit of a rough night.  I called one of my best friends upset and discouraged, frustrated with what God was doing, and what I was supposed to do in response.  I had made up my mind, I was going to confront the problem head on and she challenged me.  She called me out.  And I know that God was speaking perfectly through her.  She challenged me to give the situation completely up to Christ.  If it is to work out she said, God will do it.  But I can't press him.  I can't change his timing.

I finally finished a book that I've been ready for probably about two months now and so I picked up a new book today called Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy.  I've had this book on my bedside table for a while now, and have been so excited to delve into it.  I'm only on page 31 and I already see Christ moving in my heart and making me think.

 

http://right-angle.deviantart.com/art/Complete-surrender-98051356 

song of the day #10: close to your heart.

I need Christ.

Today I feel it more than yesterday or the day before.  It's funny really.  I spend so much of my day trying to figure things out, talking them out, thinking about them, asking people's advice and I have the most perfect resource right at my side.

I'm finding lately the only time I'm truly happy is when I'm alone.  It's when I'm silent and quiet by myself, when I have no distractions and no one to talk to that God just fills me up.  I see things in ways I wouldn't when I'm driving or talking.  I appreciate the ice on the sidewalk even though it's like a death trap for the ungraceful like myself.  I appreciate the cold wind on my cheeks and how it makes my nose red and numb.  I appreciate the warmth of my mittens.  I close my eyes and breath in the cold crisp air and breath in the appreciation of being alive.  I breath deeper, gulping it in, feeling like each breath isn't enough.  I smile as the snowflakes catch on my eyelashes and I feel beautiful.  I feel absolute peace.

But when I leave those moments, I lose that peace. 

 

http://krapivka2007.deviantart.com/art/snow-serenity-75396041

song of the day #9: you belong to me.

God has impeccable timing.

Again today I find myself upset and antsy which only solidifies the fact that I need to be spending some time with God and his Word.   I opened my Bible and my eyes fell on Psalm 18.  In my Bible, some of the words are highlighted and have a label of "protection" on them.  Here's what David writes:

I love you Lord; you are my strength.  The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock in whom I find my protection.  He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.  I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from my enemies.  -Psalm 18:1-3

 

http://little-me-starfire.deviantart.com/art/protection-133592900