I'm struggling to concentrate on school or really have motivation for anything. For some reason lately, I've come to a realization that I'm not always going to be in Harrisonburg, and honestly having been here for 20 almost 21 years, it's getting a little old. I love Harrisonburg, but I'm ready for something new. God has really been showing me how he plans on using me for something more than I can imagine. And while I have no idea what it's for, I'm blown away because I never expected that for myself.
In fact, I thought I had my whole life planned out. And you can see that this is already going to be interesting because I'm referring to my plan and not God's. But all of a sudden God took control and those plans crumbled. No longer did I feel safe in this pre-determined future. I was standing in the middle of a path, starring completely into the uncertain unknown. And I was not excited about it. And in fact, I was incredibly scared. I was not ready to trust God with my future.
Anyone who has been in a situation similar to mine knows that trust not something that happens over night. Trust is a really hard concept to learn. I think it was even harder for me to trust God with my future because I always believed it to be a very simple, mediocre, kind of bland future. And I can say this in hindsight. Then, of course, it seemed perfect. But when I think of that life I had planned for myself, it feels lacking. It's lacking color and vibrancy and LIFE. Especially now that God has shown me that he can truly use me for something beautiful and colorful and AMAZING. I doubted that I could be a vessel God wanted to use.
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So my excitement has been growing for this time when God will show me this amazing plan, this fantastic path that he has set out for me. Thus, everything has become trivial. My priorities may not always be on track at times but I just so badly want to do the work God has planned for me!
Yet, God has not called me from Harrisonburg. While I'm terribly excited about his plan, I know that I'm supposed to finish college first. And in a way this has become somewhat of a sore spot. It's like teasing a small child by putting a cupcake in front of them and just as they're about to reach for it, you snatch it away. Yeah, same thing.
But God is really funny. Just as I was beginning to think that I had no significant purpose/opportunity to minister at the moment, God plops several situations in my life and goes, "Here you go! This is what you wanted right?!" And honestly, it made me stop and think. Here I am, thinking that I can only minister to people in other places, when there are people in my OWN LIFE that need someone! WHAT?! Are you kidding? How could I possibly have overlooked this?
God has been constantly reinforcing the idea that right now my ministry is right here in Harrisonburg. While reading the other day, I ran across this verse,
My dear friends, if you know people who have wandered off from God's truth, don't write them off. Go after them. Get them back and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God. -James 5:19-20, The Message
Not only that, but when I was looking up verses to encourage a friend, I ran across a verse that had really been dear to my heart some time ago. I was recently given a new Bible in a new translation and the way this verse was worded hit me in a whole new way.
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles comes your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. -James 1:2-4
The phrase "opportunity for great joy" really hit home for me and is something that God has reminded me everyday since.
Every day is an opportunity for great joy. Every single day. Every day God is using me to spread his word, his love. This restlessness is honestly inappropriate. I don't have to go across the country or across the world in order to minister to those who need it. By loving those around me, I am doing Christ's work. And isn't that really what I'm after? Isn't that really where my passion lies? Isn't that the desire of my heart?
God is showing me that he has planned for me to do important things RIGHT NOW, here in Harrisonburg. He is challenging me here at this point in my life, asking me to go outside of my comfort zone, and showing me how to truly love those around me. To seek out those in need of someone to love them. And it amazing the responses I'm getting already. With every new situation, I see God's perfect plan in it.
God has changed me. I can't explain it but it's incredible. This love isn't about what I can get out of it, it's about how much I can give.
God's love is absolutely overwhelming to me. And the only way I can deal with it is to share it.
So we are Christ's ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. -2 Corinthians 5:20a
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