Today I feel it more than yesterday or the day before. It's funny really. I spend so much of my day trying to figure things out, talking them out, thinking about them, asking people's advice and I have the most perfect resource right at my side.
I'm finding lately the only time I'm truly happy is when I'm alone. It's when I'm silent and quiet by myself, when I have no distractions and no one to talk to that God just fills me up. I see things in ways I wouldn't when I'm driving or talking. I appreciate the ice on the sidewalk even though it's like a death trap for the ungraceful like myself. I appreciate the cold wind on my cheeks and how it makes my nose red and numb. I appreciate the warmth of my mittens. I close my eyes and breath in the cold crisp air and breath in the appreciation of being alive. I breath deeper, gulping it in, feeling like each breath isn't enough. I smile as the snowflakes catch on my eyelashes and I feel beautiful. I feel absolute peace.
But when I leave those moments, I lose that peace.
http://krapivka2007.deviantart.com/art/snow-serenity-75396041
I am racked with a lack of confidence and uncertainty that I don't have when I'm breathing in that cold air. All of a sudden the problems of the world come crashing down around me and I feel like I'm losing control. I want to run and scream and hide. All at the same time. I'm looking for someone to pick up out of this mess. I need someone to save me.
When I picked up my Bible, again God knew exactly what I needed to hear.
As for me, I look to the Lord for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me...Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. -Micah 7:7, 8b
Everything lately has felt so trivial. So silly and ridiculous and a waste of time. My heart just aches. It aches for the people I love, it aches for the restlessness I feel, and it aches to constantly be with Christ. I want to throw it all away, to spend every moment with my Savior, to feel satisfied every second of every day. To never feel disappointment, to never struggle with trust, to never feel unloved or unwanted. To feel beautiful and full and joyous.
The song I'm sharing with you today is another I stumbled upon in my iTunes search. It pretty much sums up the feeling I desire at all times. And it just reminds me when I search for this feeling in other places, the only place I will truly find it and be satisfied is in the arms of Christ. Praise to our God who is great and heals all wounds. Who loves us more than we could ever imagine and nothing can ever separate us from his love.
Draw me into you, close to your heart. Here I am Lord. Here I am.
Close to Your Heart- The Glorious Unseen
You look down from heaven
And melt me with your gaze
Then you come down from heaven
And wrap me in your wings
And it makes me feel loved again
So close in your arms
And it makes me feel home again
So close to your heart
Oh Lord, so close to your heart God
So close to your heart God
So close to your heart
I'm so close to your heart God
Come draw me into you
I'm so close to your heart God
Here I am God
Draw me into you
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