song of the day #13: i'm not who i was.

Sometimes, actually not sometimes, ALL the time it amazes me how God has the most perfect timing.

Today as I was driving in my car, this song came on the radio.  I had just been thinking about the changes I've been going through and how there are some people that have been in my life that I really wish could see where I am and not just where I am but that I'm different.  I'm a new Sara Willard.  It's kind of like the overused metaphor of the caterpillar becoming the butterfly.  But honestly, I have no other way to really describe it.

In fact, someone else described it perfectly for me.  Over a month ago, I received a beautiful message from one of my beautiful sisters in Christ.  She had read one of my blogs and been inspired to write this: 

I once saw a little girl, fragile, raw, ready to cry, pain in her posture, eyes silently screaming at the emptiness, the betrayal, the ache that seemed everywhere.

I saw her again, and oh, the light, the Light, the beauty from deep within. The purpose, the joy, the sense of peace. The silent screams now return as echoes of grace, for herself, for others, echoes of the Father, echoes of her Love.

Her path here has not been easy. Much has been torn down, refined, washed away. Not the life she was expecting. But through it, she has touched Jesus, glimpsed His exquisite pain and love on the cross. Her pain He bore with her and for her.

It's not over yet. Turning a corner, new vistas appear. Bright and shining. Watch her walk, watch her run. 

 

http://dreamingphotographer.deviantart.com/art/Free-At-Last-51561093

 

I have been aching for people to see the change in me.  I feel it!

But this song says everything I want to say to those in my life that have kind of faded away.  So here it is:

I'm Not Who I Was- Brandon Heath

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was.

I wish I could sing this to so many people who have been in my life.  It's so direct.  And unabashed.  And absolutely everything I would want to say. 

I can stand here and say that when I think to just last month, I'm shocked.  I have no idea who that person was.  I feel so different and free and light and complete.  Christ has a beautiful hold on my life and makes me swell with joy and peace. 

So here it is.  To all of those who have left me high and dry, to those to have broken my heart, who have made me cry, to those who made me feel a little unlovable and used, I LOVE YOU.  If I hadn't had to walk that path, Christ would not have done the incredible work that he has done in me.  It was those times that drew my heart closer to his and had me leaning on him for comfort.  My heart overflows with Christ's love for you.  I am not who I was.  And I will never be that person again.  I hope sincerely that you get to be a part of this divine transformation and that you have been able to experience your own.

I AM running, running right into the embrace of my beautiful and glorious Savior, the one who makes me feel loved beyond compare.

"Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons!  Look at it!"  -The Message