song of the day #17: there for you.

I'm really selfish.
It's always about me.
How could I be so
self
absorbed?
So in-
considerate
?
Sometimes I wonder if I've really learned anything.

I have a really bad habit that I occasionally fall into.
It's called having a pity party for myself.
Good thing I have a best friend that can knock some sense into me.

I have high expectations for people in my life.  I have an expectation that I will receive what I give.  I want to get to others, I want to love them, I want to pursue them, but it would be really nice once in a while to have someone stop and do something for me.

But that's not how the game is played.  That is not something that I get to expect.  In fact, I should give more because of it.

God has given me a heart to love others.  It is really evident to me but at the same time I feel the need to be loved back.  This tends to make me have that wonderful pity party for myself.  I have no friends, I'm not loved, I'm not cared about etc.  It's a old insecurity that pops up once in a while.

The worst part about this recent pity party is that lately God has been convicting me so much about loving people, and becoming a full expression of Christ's love to others.

The thing is that when I complain about not feeling loved, Jesus always can one up me.  He always gently reminds me that he make the ultimate sacrifice and yet people STILL reject him.  The Perfect Lamb.  I mean honestly it makes sense if people would reject me, an imperfect sinner.

But the biggest thing out of all of this, it that I'm seeking something that only God can fulfill anyways.  He is the only one that who will satisfy my heart, and he didn't call me to be loved by others but to love them!

I love Flyleaf, and I think this song by them explains this situation pretty well.

There For You- Flyleaf

Sometimes I'm a selfish fake
You're always a true friend
I don't deserve you
'Cause I'm not there for you
Please forgive me again

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

Swirling shades of blue
Slow dancing in your eyes
Sun kisses the earth
And I hush my urge to cry

'Cause I hear the whispered words
In your masterpiece beautiful
You speak the unspeakable through
I love you too

I wanna be there for you
And be someone you can come to
The love runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you

Romans 12:9-10 says,

"Don't just pretend to love others.  Really love them.  Hate what is wrong.  Hold tightly to what is good.  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other."

As my best friend told me tonight, people want to see what you're about.  They are much more willing to step out and reach out to you when they see who you are and what your motivation is.  I've got to love others and show them I'm about real, genuine love relationships with them for them to step out and trust me.

We represent Jesus to the people around us when we declare we are Christians.  Christ doesn't have pity party and he doesn't stop loving us because we don't necessarily show him that we love him back.  I need to be a better follower of Christ's example.  Loving other despite everything else.  God's love never takes a hiatus, therefore, our love doesn't get to be conditional.

[Images: http://dailydeath.deviantart.com/art/stop-31080413, http://nuclearseasons.deviantart.com/art/I-love-you-84933771]