can't you just let me be?

Today I've been feeling terribly anxious.  I think honestly though that within the past couple of days I've make a huge turn around.  I was talking to Ellie today and I was telling her how last year, I remember thinking that college was just four years that buffered when my "real" life started, like I was just getting through these next couple years of college, thinking that the really good stuff was on the other side.  She told me that was lame.  And I totally agree.  I've had so many people say that college is one of the best times in your life, and granted last year sucked, which many people also admit to, but why would I want to hurry these years up?  I know that these years are going to be ones of growth and really growing into who I'm going to be.  And wishing those away so quickly would just be doing a disservice to myself.  Nevertheless, my anxiousness seems to be getting the better of me today despite my more positive outlook on things.  

My song for today once again ended up being one that just struck me while I had my ipod on shuffle in the car.

"Almost Lover"

A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin

The palm trees swaying in the wind

Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies

The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy

I though you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying no to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance

My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street 

You took my hand and danced with me

Images

And when you left, you kissed my lips

You told me you would never, never forget

These images

I cannot go to the ocean

I cannot drive the streets at night

I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that 

East to walk right in and out 

Of my life?

There are so many ridiculous parallels in this song to the things have been going on with me in my life but today I was really focused on the chorus, in just kind of saying goodbye to that part of my life, and even though I'm feeling so much better about the direction I'm heading, it still tends to be haunting and I just want to say why can't you just let me be?  I think though what was really encouraging today was as I was thinking about this and kind of the letting go/saying goodbye thing, I was still listening to music and "Fix You" by Coldplay was on, and the line, 

"When you're too in love to let it go,

But if you never try you'll never know,

Just what you're worth,"

really struck me.  It just really helped confirm the positive steps I've been taking the past couple of days and continue this kind of self-evaluation of myself.  I mean when it comes down to it, I want to know what I'm worth and the stuff I'm made of.  I want to be able to show people that I am this strong person, and I'm not always the blubbering person I feel like everyone sees.  I so much more than that so I think just as much as I'm proving that to myself, I'm trying to prove that to others as well.

PS- Premiere of Project Runaway, Season 5 today and I got to spend it with some of the most awesome people which included Ryan and Jessica McAllister, Jeremy Sheppard, Maddie Duda, Ellie Weaver, Laura Sutphin, Joy Weaver and her friend Ashley, and of course Mallie.  Also, best phrase of the night, "That's just wackadoodle!" from Suede who happens to be quite a character.  I think this will be an interesting season to say the least.