sleep to dream him

Today has been about music and lyrics.  I'm pretty sure every song I've listened to today has made me think about the situation but this one in particular really hit home.

Sleep to Dream Her by Dave Matthews Band

(I'm changing her to him because it fits better in my case)

I know I'll miss him later

Wish I could bend my love to hate him

Wish I could be his creator 

To twist his arms now

He stares up at the stars when

The stars fell from his hair then

I bent down to collect them

And then he was gone

Oh I sleep just to dream him

I beg the night just to see him

That my only love should be him

Just to lie in his arms

Oh I came there to find out

Find out he made up his mind

My arms are all tied up

To me he was blind

This space between us

Where wingless dreams fall earless

Will you not bear me witness

With your back to me now

It seems so unnerving

Yet still somehow deserving

That he could hold my heart so tightly 

And still not see me here

I know I'll miss him later

I wish I could bend my love to hate him

Wish I could be his creator

To be the light in his eyes

Being in love has to be one of the hardest things in the entire world.

Everything in this song reminds me of him, of how things were between us and how different they are now.  How within the past two and a half weeks, I've dreamt about him more than I ever have.  And just like the chorus says, "Oh I sleep just to dream him, beg the night just to see him, that my only love should be him, just to lie in his arms."  Part of me finds the dreams to be a nightmare, something I can't shake while the other part longs for those dreams, hopefully that magically things will be better in the morning, that those really good dreams will carry on through to the morning.  His presence is haunting.  And I secretly like it.