it's time to recognize.

So this has been a long time in coming, but I'm finally getting you all in the loop.  This is something that has been on my heart for a while and I've been trying to be patient and allow God to move in the process. 

About two months or so ago, I was having a conversation with a couple friends about the health of our church.  We all felt this need to DO MORE.  We felt that as the youth of the church, we were being complacent and not using our gifts to the fullest.  But then as we talked more, we realized that this wasn't just an issue within the church but the community as well.  That's how Recognize came into being.

Recognize is a 5 hour prayer meeting/worship service scheduled for January 29, 2011 with a vision to bring not only our church closer together and seeking Christ's plan for us but for bringing our community together to have a more united pursuit of Christ as the body of Christ.

The service will alternate between worship, talks on community, discipleship, missions and spiritual gifts and times of prayer.  Recognize was inspired by a prayer meeting that I attended while in Philadelphia this summer.

song of the day #20: i will not be silent.

So God has been doing some crazy things in my life recently.  Things are still getting settled so I'll share them with you at a later date but in the midst of all of that I've been researching a lot of worship music.  As I haven't been very good at keeping up with blogging, I thought now right in the middle of the last week of classes when I should be study, that I would write to you about a song that has really been resonating with me recently.

[Image: http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?q=shouting&order=9&offset=96#/d1i0t1v]

small.

A couple weeks ago, maybe longer than that now, I was asked if I'd be interested in being AIM's representative at JMU, promoting Adventures in Missions and their trips. [For those of you who don't know, I worked with AIM all summer in Philadelphia.]  Life has been crazy and I've been a little bit of a procrastinator with it.  Basically, AIM has a program called Real Life which are mission trips geared specifically for college aged students.

The promotion campaign has three parts and today I started one of them which is the t-shirt portion.  I was given a t-shirt by AIM which looks like this,

[385 million people live on less than $1 a day]

and was told to wear it for five consecutive days in hopes that people will ask questions and I have the opportunity to talk to them about poverty and what we can do to help.

Part of our role as college reps for AIM is to also keep a blog on what we're doing and how the activities are going.  So I wrote a blog today and for some reason the AIM server was down.  And that got me thinking about how little I've been writing lately and that it would be good to share what's going on.  So here are my thoughts on the t-shirt challenge for today:

breaking chains.

This week, JMU's chapter of Intervarsity hosted an event called the "The Price of Life".  This event was to make our campus aware of human trafficking and sex trafficking or modern day slavery.  It was run and put together by the Justice Team of IV which is a ministry team seeking for the restoration of God's rule and are engaged in advocacy, study and prayer for the injustice in our world.

On Wednesday and Thursday of this week, the Justice Team was on the Commons of JMU, selling t-shirts and taking donations to go to World Vision, a Christian relief, development, and advocacy organization, to help the fight against slavery.  The t-shirts were designed by the Justice Team and looked like this:

 

The culmination of the week was last night during Large Group.  The Justice Team had Jesse Eaves from World Vision come to speak to us.

SAVED!

WE DID IT!

Fans of Blue Like Jazz the movie have officially saved it!  I've been closely watching the process/progress of the fundraising for the past 9 days and can only say that I'm completely amazed at how God has lead so many people to step up and help out.  Congratulations to everyone who made it happen.

But...
It's not over yet.  Here's an excerpt from Donald Miller's October 4th post blog explaining what I mean (and remember at this point we had not yet raised the $125,000)...

save blue like jazz!

Many of you have heard about, if not read the bestseller, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller.  Many of you have also probably heard of his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years which talks about Don's experiences in writing a screen play for the movie, Blue Like Jazz.  [DISCLAIMER:  I have not yet read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years but it will be arriving in the mail shortly and I assure you it will be DEVOURED.] 

On September 16, Donald Miller wrote a blog informing his fans and the general public that due to some financial/investor issues, the movie would be put on hold indefinitely.  But honestly what kind of fans would we be if we didn't try and do something to help?  That's where Zach Prichard and Jonathan Frazier steps in.  These two guys worked with Donald Miller and Steve Taylor, the director of the film to figure out a solution.  We, the fans, are going to help save the movie.  They started a fundraising campaign through a website called KickStarter where us, the fans, have until October 25 to raise $125,000.  The thing is is that at this very moment, with the campaign just starting September 26, Blue Like Jazz fans have raised $39,819!!!  Incredible, huh?!

Basically, this blog is to ask for you participation in saving this film.  The book changed lives.  Think about what it would do as a film...

To check out KickStarter, watch the short film made by Zach and Jonathan and learn more about the cause, check here.

To read about Don Miller's reaction to the campaign and the "saving" of the movie, check here.

To read an interview with Zach, Jonathan, and my friend Jeff Goins from rethink monthly magazine, check here.

Please, please, PLEASE prayerfully consider giving to this cause!  Only $85,181 to go!

i am madly in love with jesus christ.

This week was my first week of my last year of undergrad.  Basically that just mean I'm a senior.
It's crazy.  CRAZY.

And even though it's just the first week, I'm already really struggling making enough Jesus time during the week.  And I hate that.  I was telling my old youth pastor this week that I wish I could just worship and pray and read all the time.  And then he told me this story of a kid who missed three of his college football games because he lost track of time while doing evangelism. 

But seriously, why don't I allow myself to be more like that?  Because when it comes down to it, maybe my grades won't be as great and maybe my friends won't necessarily understand [which is mostly likely not true because a lot of them have amazing relationships with the Lord themselves] and maybe my parents will be a little disappointed but if Jesus is just calling me to spend time with him, why the heck wouldn't I?  Why would I not want to give the Creator and Savior of the Universe ALL of my time?

I have to say though that even though the distractions of a new school year have been keeping me from spending as much time as I want with the Lord, he still never ceases to amaze me and I'm falling more and more madly in love with him every day.  I was just listening to the Christian radio today and got completely overwhelmed with the Lord's love. 

Also today I was singing during choir rehearsal and we started a new piece called Lux Aeterna.  The arrangement of the text that we are doing is by Brian Schmidt and it is wondrous.  For those of you who don't know, the Lux text is part of the Requiem Mass, close to the end and means "eternal light".  The text is in Latin when sung and translates to,

"May light eternal shine upon them, O Lord.

With thy saints forever, for thou art merciful.

Grant them eternal rest,

And let perpetual light shine upon them.  Amen"

I almost cried multiple times singing this piece.  It is so beautiful and I'm just amazed at how it just reflects the perfect beauty of the Lord.  

I know that this is somewhat of a stream of consciousness sort of entry but really what it boils down to is how I realize more and more everyday my dependency on the Lord and how I want to know him more and more everyday.  Our God is so glorious.  I can't find the words.

[Image: http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?q=eternal%20light&order=9&offset=24#/d2oebp8]

because there really aren't words.

So I've obviously done a terrible job of keeping up with my blog.
I've been back home for over a week now and honestly it's hard to believe.
Mostly, because I haven't done much.  And yet, I feel like I've been so busy.  A lot of sleeping, catching up with people, enjoying the quiet of my apartment, sorting through my life and just getting excited about school starting up again.

It's funny being back.  It's so weird.  It's weird not living out of a suitcase and being busy 24/7.  It's weird to live in a currently quiet apartment where I can walk around in my pjs for the majority of the day.  It's weird driving my wagon and seeing my best friend.  It's weird being in a comfortable familiar place.

But I think today it hit me.  I miss the craziness of my summer.  I miss Philadelphia and I miss our groups and I miss seeing Jesus burn bright in their faces.  I miss Team Philly and watching them grow in the amazing gifts God has given them.  I miss Maddy's crazy organizational skills, I miss Melissa's profound, wise words, I miss Doug's energy and his jokes, I miss Marcus and Cathy and Ramiyah and our feeling of family.  I miss Wyoming Ave Baptist Church.  I miss the Dominican Republic and all my bug bites and my sweet kids running around like crazies.  I miss worshiping with my whole being, feeling the tangible presence of the Lord filling the room.  I miss the incredible connection to the Kingdom. 

It's so hard being home.  It's so wonderful and amazing and oh so bittersweet.  My heart is so full and yet aches so much all at the same time.  I feel like I'm searching for those faces of the people I met this summer, looking for someone who shared everything I went through, who understands.  I get so overwhelmed when people say, "So tell me about Philly!" or "Give me a snapshot of your summer."  It's impossible.  There are times were I just want to yell at them.  This summer can not be summed up in a little paragraph or "snapshot".  It's this amazing series of events that build on one another, starting from the very beginning when I landed in Atlanta, Georgia until my pop picked me up from Alexandria, Virginia. 

I have been convicted, I have grown, I have seen the Lord, I have watched Him work, I have seen Him wreck and change and transform lives, and I have watched Him do in it mine.  I have been blessed, I have been humbled and I have been tremendously loved.

I wish I could really explain.  I wish there was some way to fully share the amazing workings of the Lord this summer.  I want you see it, feel it, experience it.  But all I can say is the Lord is amazing and I'm so thankful for His amazing provision and all He has done this summer.  It was more than I could have ever asked for.

PS- If you haven't been keeping up with me this summer, this blog- http://aiminphilly.wordpress.com/- will clue you into what I was up to for 3ish months.

republica dominicana. [post #1]

So.  Two weeks in Dominican Republic.  My mind is still spinning from everything God taught me there.  I've decided that instead of giving you a huge general summary, I'm going to break up my two weeks into different entries to give you a better understanding of the things our First Pres group did while there.

Today I'm going to familiarize you with our base and my site in El Callejon.

26 of us set out from Reagan Airport on July 12 and arrived on the Students International base in Jarabacoa later that night.  This is what base looked like.

 The building in the picture above in the main building where we ate all of our meals and the upstairs is offices and meeting areas for the SI staff.

These were the "dorms" we stayed in.  Each building had two rooms that housed about 10 people each.  They also included bathrooms and showers.

There was also the "Chapel" where our groups met for morning worship, devotions and Bible study.  It's also where our guys spent a lot of time playing Polish/ping pong.

song(s) of the day #19: barlowgirl's love and war.

Okay, so here's part deux of BarlowGirl's Love and War album.

The second song that I've been listening to like crazy is "Sing Me a Love Song".

Yesterday was actually a really rough day for me.  Some things were happening at home and all I wanted was to be there.  For the most part, I was inconsolable.  During debrief and worship last night, I had a pounding headache and Marcus encouraged me to go lay down at the house.  I finally went, and the first thing I did was put this song on.  Check out the lyrics:

Sing Me a Love Song- BarlowGirl 
The tension is thick in the air
Making it hard to see
I fear what is to come
And what will become of me
I say a prayer help me not run away
Will you please hold me

And sing me a love song again
Say the words that heal my heart
sing me a love song and then
Let your words remind me who I am

You've never failed me before
Why do I feel betrayed
If I close my heart to you now
The darkness would have its way
I crave your voice help me not fall away
Will you please hold me

'Cause you are all I need
And all that I want is you with me
You are all I need
And all that I want is you with me

[Image: http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?q=brokenhearted&order=9&offset=96#/d14cy63] 

song(s) of the day #18: barlowgirl's love and war.

It's nice to be back on my blog again!
I was looking at my blog archives and realized how I've been slacking a lot this year.  I'd really like to refocus and come back full force this summer, so I'll definitely be needing your encouragement.

But I wanted to take some time and write about a song(s) of the day that I've been listening intently to recently.  A while ago, one of my best friends gave me BarlowGirl's album, Love and War.  I was really excited about a couple of the songs on the album that were current radio hits but I didn't venture too much into the rest of the CD.  For some reason this past week, I have been listening to this CD incessantly.  [And I just decided that I'm going to make this particular blog a two or three part-er so bear with me.]  The first song on the album that really caught my attention was their song "Open Heavens". 

[http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?q=hands%20raised&order=9&offset=72#/d2c64n3]

week one = finding my place.

So I have to apologize for not really being able to update this blog much but I'm hoping that you've been able to keep up with me via the Team Philly blogs!  I've been working hard this past week, making videos, taking pictures and lovin' on the Philly community.

This week as been really interesting for me.  I didn't realize until the week before the group got here what my role as a leader would really look like.  My job this summer takes me to ALL ministry sites and any place that the group is.  This means generally I can't hang in one place too long or really lead ministry sites.  And I'm not gonna lie at first I really felt insignificant in our team.  I spent some time talking with a couple people about it and honestly for the first day of the week, I felt a little dejected and depressed.  I felt disconnected from our new groups and from Team Philly.  I was watching as my team members stepped up and became leaders, and it was easy to see God giving them authority and growing them.  I felt a little out of place at times.

http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?q=searching&order=9&offset=96#/d1md2cl

team philly has landed! and other things.

So we have technically been in Philadelphia for about three days now but I'm just now getting to update everyone on what's going on!  Who knew that being in charge of three different blogs would be so hard!  For those who aren't yet connected with the exclusively Philadelphia team blogs, here are two links, the first being the AIM blog, and the second our own personal one:

philadelphia.myadventures.org/

aiminphilly.wordpress.com

So I'm thankful to be in Philly but I'm not gonna lie, the transition has been a little hard for me.  I've been doing a good bit of traveling since last weekend with going back to Harrisonburg for Laura's wedding, flying back to GA, then driving from Gainesvilles to D.C. then D.C. to Philly.  Also in there was lots of packing, unpacking, whirlwind errands, and my 21st birthday.  Therefore, I got really homesick.  The longest I've ever been away from my family is about two weeks and being that I live in my hometown and go to school there, I'm not quite used to not being a stones throw/5-minute drive from my family.

[Image: http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=philadelphia&order=9&offset=192#/dlc1ye]

meet team philly!

So I wanted to introduce everyone to my amazing team and thankfully we had to do a video assignment that did just that.  Check out all my hard work from the day and meet my awesome crew!

Meet Team Philly

[From top to bottom: Melissa Polheber, Maddy Manden, & Doug Amundson]

absolute chaos.

Today.
Today was interesting to say the least.
Today we started video training.  Hopefully I'll be uploading some stuff soon so you can see my work.
But that was not the most interesting part of the day.

After training, we accompanied Christy, who is in charge of internships and such, to Sam's Club.  Melissa, Maddy, and I climbed into her old, red, "jank" van to make the half hour trip there.  While going through an intersection on the way, we heard sirens and upon further inspection we saw there was a person laying in the middle of the road and a girl was standing outside her vehicle crying.  Basically, I think she hit a pedestrian.  Great.

[Image: http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?q=ambulance&order=9&offset=24#/d2ne73c] 

arrived in gainesville!

I'm here!
Well, technically I've been here for about three days but...I'm here.

I first off need to thank everyone for their support financially and spiritually.  I have only felt a huge sense of peace and calm about the whole process and I know God has greatly blessed me.  I appreciate all those who stepped out in faith to help me. 

Secondly, I ask for your continued prayers.  I've have just begun to see the amazing works God is doing in and through the people who are here for AIM training and I can't begin to tell you how excited I am for not just my summer but to hear the amazing stories coming from the other mission sites.  I have also gotten to meet my team [Marcus, Cathy, Melissa, Doug and Maddy] for the summer and I already feel a close connection to all of them.  It is very obvious to me that we are meant to be together and God is really going to use each one of us specifically.

We're getting ready to start evening worship but I'll be back to update soon!

[Image: http://browse.deviantart.com/photography/?q=prayer&order=9&offset=192#/d8aj3d]

I need your help!

Hi friends!

I’m writing this blog to you to ask you for support for this summer.  As many of you know, during the spring break college small group trip to Nashville, God impacted our group in unexpected ways.  During that week, God really put a renewed passion in my heart for missions.  Because of this renewal, I have felt called to seek mission opportunities outside of Harrisonburg this summer.  I felt like God was pretty vague in what he wanted me to do but over time this opportunity was revealed to me.

 I will be spending the majority of my summer in Philadelphia as an intern, working for AIM/Adventures in Missions (http://www.adventures.org/).  This is the organization that set up the college Nashville trip and the same location that the youth group served at in Summer 2009.  I will be leading and documenting all of the mission projects that happen in Philly; taking videos, pictures and blogging about the stories and experiences going on there.

I found out on Monday, May 10 that I was officially accepted as an intern. I was then informed that I needed to provide transportation to the AIM headquarters in Gainesville, Georgia for training starting May 20^th as well as transportation back from GA after a debriefing in August.  I currently have about $150 total in my bank account and while my family is helping as much they can by paying for my Harrisonburg apartment, they can’t swing paying for these travel expenses.

Because of prior commitments, I will need to travel back to Harrisonburg for Laura Sutphin’s wedding, my brother’s graduation and the Dominican Republic trip in July.  I’m currently working on setting up transportation back and forth from Philly to Harrisonburg, which includes car rentals, train rides, and volunteer drivers.

I’ve been thinking and praying and so far I have raised $500 in my goal of $1000. This way I can buy plane tickets, pay for a rental car, train ticket and have money in case of emergencies.  This money will also help with general expenses while I’m in the Dominican Republic.  I’m asking for your financial and spiritual backing in achieving this goal.  Your support would be an incredible answer to prayer.

I’ve leaving on May 19 for Georgia, but I want to keep you updated with what AIM is doing over the summer.  I would be more than glad to send the link to the blog that I will be writing, and send weekly email updates to keep you informed. 

            God has really put this calling on me to be in missions this summer.  I am ecstatic to see what God is going to do in my life and in the lives of the people around me.  I thank you for prayerfully considering supporting me and praying for me while I’m gone. 

destination: unknown.

So.

This is my first post in about two weeks.  I haven't been posting not because nothing has been going on spiritually my life, but possibly because quite the opposite has been happening.

Recently, God has decided to take me on a roller coaster ride. The question that has most been consuming my thoughts has been: What am I going to do this summer?

I've talked a lot recently about being restless here in Harrisonburg and at school.  My obvious solution to this problem is to leave Harrisonburg for a while.  Now the problem is, where do I go.  And honestly, for how long?

Then, all of a sudden, an opportunity out of town and out of state dropped into my lap and I thought, "This is it!"

song of the day #17: there for you.

I'm really selfish.
It's always about me.
How could I be so
self
absorbed?
So in-
considerate
?
Sometimes I wonder if I've really learned anything.

I have a really bad habit that I occasionally fall into.
It's called having a pity party for myself.
Good thing I have a best friend that can knock some sense into me.

I have high expectations for people in my life.  I have an expectation that I will receive what I give.  I want to get to others, I want to love them, I want to pursue them, but it would be really nice once in a while to have someone stop and do something for me.

But that's not how the game is played.  That is not something that I get to expect.  In fact, I should give more because of it.

song of the day #16: grey street.

So recently I've been doing a lot of thinking.
More of dwelling.  And it's not necessarily a good thing.

I went through a period of time where I listened to Dave Matthews a lot.
And while I can still say that I love his music a lot, I haven't been such a devoted fan lately.
But, the other day, one of my favorite songs of his came on the radio.
This song is...beautiful and painful and in some really weird way I can relate to it.

I actually really looked at the lyrics for the first time the other day and I want to share them with you.

I want you to understand something of what I feel.

song(s) of the day #15: let the waters rise & word of God speak.

Lately, I haven't been able to shake the feeling of being on the brink of something great.
This is no joke.
God is preparing me for something amazing and I can feel it.
But I've been feeling antsy.
Anxious, overwhelmed, burden.

I've been learning about spiritual gifts recently, and I've been trying to get a feel for mine.  Yet, in the process of honing my gifts, I often get overwhelmed by them and I'm not always exactly sure what to do with them.  Tonight, I spent some time talking with my one best friends.  As we walked around downtown Harrisonburg, I could tell Christ was encouraging me through her.  Her words rang true in my heart and she reassured me that she could see me on the brink of this vast canyon that I've mentioned in previous posts.

She challenged me to spend time with Christ, really accepting the call he has put on my life.  Accepting his plan fully, no qualms, no going back, only pressing ahead, focused on Christ.

The most amazing part of it all, is I am ready. 

[Image: http://mr-darkstar.deviantart.com/art/paused-on-the-brink-17314563]

suffering and perception promotes encouragement.

Sometimes when I think about my life, I think there is no way possible that all of this stuff has really happened.

Sometimes I think about my life and find it a little blurry, foggy, dream-like.  Things were so bad but God has made them so good.  I can honestly stand on this side of things and say that all the pain was a path straight toward Christ.

It's so funny to look at it all now.  Especially when I think about how impossible life seemed at times.  Those days when I could barely get out of bed.  When I thought I'd never get past the sadness, the hurt, the absolute heartache.  The burden of it all was overwhelming.

But Christ has claimed me.  He has put a stake on me.  He wants me.  He is my hero.

different from before.

I think today I truly understand that I am different.
I am different than I was last Monday.
I am different than I was last month.
I am different than I was last summer.
I have changed.

My life has been transformed.

My beautiful Savior has taken all the pain, all the hurt, all the burden.

My Romancer has stolen my heart so completely.

He has held my hand, he has wiped my tears, he has carried me.

His love is radiant in me.

He has colored my black and white world and make it bright and new.

He makes my heart soar.

song of the day #14: whatever you're doing.

So continuing on the theme of lessons learned during the Nashville trip, I think one of my friends said it best when they said just when they feel like they are beginning to know God and understand him, he does something so incredible and crazy and complex that it feels like you don't know him at all.  I feel like that's what this whole week was.  Just when I felt like I was getting some sort of a handle on God, he blows my mind.

As I was talking with my roommate tonight, she reminded me of this verse:

Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. -Philippians 4:7a

Man, if just God's peace exceeds anything we can understand, then think about how far over our heads the whole of God goes!

Regardless, God opened new doors for me this week.  He showed me new ways to communicate with him and to new ways to grow and new things to look forward to in our relationship.  Christ is stirring in me things I didn't even know were possible for me to desire.  Christ has begun a great work in me and he is continuing it!

 http://p0rg.deviantart.com/art/Breathe-132940552

waiting in expectation.

I wish I could let you all crawl in my brain and see what happened this past week.
Or that I could play a video of all the highlights.

For those of you who didn't know, I was in Nashville this past week with 18 other people on a mission trip over our spring break.  To be honest, I went into this trip without expectations.  I was a little hesitant.  In fact, as I was thinking about it today, I was realizing that I never fully made a decision to go on this trip.  I think I had a couple different people tell me was I was going and someone even signed me up.  I wasn't sure what to expect because I haven't even been on a mission trip since the summer of '06 and it wasn't until recently that God had even given me the desire to do mission work.

Needless to say, God didn't need my permission to do some crazy, awesome things this week.  In fact, I have to say that I was blown away with God's readiness to answer our prayers.  We did a lot of ATL exercises this week; ATL stands for Ask the Lord.  Basically, our group would sit and pray and ask God what he wanted us to do.  We would sit and listen for his voice.  Sometimes what we would hear and see would be ridiculously clear but other times we just felt lost.  Nevertheless, we were always lead to amazing encounters.  Christ was always pointing us in the direction he wanted, whether we knew it or not.

  http://me-inside515.deviantart.com/art/C-o-l-d-F-o-o-t-p-r-i-n-t-s-157140723

song of the day #13: i'm not who i was.

Sometimes, actually not sometimes, ALL the time it amazes me how God has the most perfect timing.

Today as I was driving in my car, this song came on the radio.  I had just been thinking about the changes I've been going through and how there are some people that have been in my life that I really wish could see where I am and not just where I am but that I'm different.  I'm a new Sara Willard.  It's kind of like the overused metaphor of the caterpillar becoming the butterfly.  But honestly, I have no other way to really describe it.

In fact, someone else described it perfectly for me.  Over a month ago, I received a beautiful message from one of my beautiful sisters in Christ.  She had read one of my blogs and been inspired to write this: 

I once saw a little girl, fragile, raw, ready to cry, pain in her posture, eyes silently screaming at the emptiness, the betrayal, the ache that seemed everywhere.

I saw her again, and oh, the light, the Light, the beauty from deep within. The purpose, the joy, the sense of peace. The silent screams now return as echoes of grace, for herself, for others, echoes of the Father, echoes of her Love.

Her path here has not been easy. Much has been torn down, refined, washed away. Not the life she was expecting. But through it, she has touched Jesus, glimpsed His exquisite pain and love on the cross. Her pain He bore with her and for her.

It's not over yet. Turning a corner, new vistas appear. Bright and shining. Watch her walk, watch her run. 

 

http://dreamingphotographer.deviantart.com/art/Free-At-Last-51561093

 

inappropriate restlessness.

Restlessness.  This is pretty much the summary of my life lately.
I'm struggling to concentrate on school or really have motivation for anything.  For some reason lately, I've come to a realization that I'm not always going to be in Harrisonburg, and honestly having been here for 20 almost 21 years, it's getting a little old.  I love Harrisonburg, but I'm ready for something new.  God has really been showing me how he plans on using me for something more than I can imagine.  And while I have no idea what it's for, I'm blown away because I never expected that for myself.

In fact, I thought I had my whole life planned out.  And you can see that this is already going to be interesting because I'm referring to my plan and not God's.  But all of a sudden God took control and those plans crumbled.  No longer did I feel safe in this pre-determined future.  I was standing in the middle of a path, starring completely into the uncertain unknown.  And I was not excited about it.  And in fact, I was incredibly scared.  I was not ready to trust God with my future.

Anyone who has been in a situation similar to mine knows that trust not something that happens over night.  Trust is a really hard concept to learn.  I think it was even harder for me to trust God with my future because I always believed it to be a very simple, mediocre, kind of bland future.  And I can say this in hindsight.  Then, of course, it seemed perfect.  But when I think of that life I had planned for myself, it feels lacking.  It's lacking color and vibrancy and LIFE.  Especially now that God has shown me that he can truly use me for something beautiful and colorful and AMAZING.  I doubted that I could be a vessel God wanted to use.

 

http://xfallxoutxgirlsx.deviantart.com/art/Jump-Balloons-136953121

song of the day #12: love never fails.

So.  Today is Valentine's Day.
I'm not gonna lie it's one of the days I dread most.  Valentine's Day kinda of makes me gag.
Mostly that's just my way of saying that in order to hide the unbearable feelings that come up on holidays, I pretend to be comedically disgusted with them.  It's a facade folks.

The past couple of days have been "off" days for me.  I get this way around most holidays.  Again, I'm gonna be honest and admit I don't like holidays.  I generally like the idea of holidays, but they never quite turn out the way they should.  Most of the time they tend to bring up memories and touch old scars.  

Valentine's Day inparticular is hard.  The concept of love is something that I have wrestled with for a long time.  And I will admit, I feel like I understand more about love and what it means to love than a lot of people my age.  I definitely don't presume to know everything, but like most, I've had my fair share of experiences for my young age.

It is probably obvious that I'm single.  And don't get me wrong, I really am content with where I am in my life.  God has given me this gift of singleness and I am embracing it completely.  Yet, recently there have been some events in my life that have caused me to unfairly question the love of the people around me.  Christ has been showing me the significance of this.

 

http://emoland.deviantart.com/art/jesus-is-love-40208330 

a thanks long overdue.

So I suck at life.
This blog post in particular is ridiculously overdue.
I'm sure that the majority of you have noticed my freakin' sweet banner at the top of my blog.  And while I would like to take credit for such an awesome masterpiece, I would be lying.  That beaut was designed by the creative mind of one my good friends, Jeremy Cherry.

 Photo taken from the archives of Sara Willard

Jer Cher graciously accepted my request for that rockin' banner in November and I have been meaning to thank him.  Jerk Chicken, I apologize and hope that you forgive me.

Jay Bird is also a very accomplished blogger himself, so I suggest you all scoot on over to American Jeremy and take a look!

new favorite commercial.

I don't know if you all have seen the new Google Search Stories but you're in for a real treat.  This one was shown last night during the Super Bowl but apparently they have been online for several months now.  I thought the new Dorito commercial was my favorite, but this one definitely takes the cake.  Check out Parisian Love. 

 

http://clapyourfingers.deviantart.com/art/Second-version-Love-in-Paris-126561818

we are the best campus cookie customers ever.

Tonight was the most epic of nights.
SKys and I became the BEST Campus Cookie customers in history.
Let me lay it out for you...

SKys had a project to do.  Something with hats.  Anyways, she was making a paper hat.  And we just decided that tomorrow we will start our sudo-anorexic diets.  DISCLAIMER:  We are NOT ACTUALLY GOING TO BECOME ANOREXIC.  So, obviously, in order to go out with a bang, we decided, well SKys decided, that we should order Campus Cookies.  She also came up with the brilliant idea to make our CC deliverer a paper hat.  And also to add some artwork with a superhero named Cookie Man, which I happily supplied.  Here are some pictures.

 

a haiku for snowmagedon.

snow is not my friend
i would punch it if i could
get me out of here

...but seriously, I feel nauseous.  I have been in this house WAAAAYYY too long.

http://arbeesrainbowvomit.deviantart.com/art/I-hate-snow-48408018

song of the day #11: give it all away.

All I can say it that Jesus is knocking HARD on my heart right now.  School is in session and he is teaching me!

Last night was a little bit of a rough night.  I called one of my best friends upset and discouraged, frustrated with what God was doing, and what I was supposed to do in response.  I had made up my mind, I was going to confront the problem head on and she challenged me.  She called me out.  And I know that God was speaking perfectly through her.  She challenged me to give the situation completely up to Christ.  If it is to work out she said, God will do it.  But I can't press him.  I can't change his timing.

I finally finished a book that I've been ready for probably about two months now and so I picked up a new book today called Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy.  I've had this book on my bedside table for a while now, and have been so excited to delve into it.  I'm only on page 31 and I already see Christ moving in my heart and making me think.

 

http://right-angle.deviantart.com/art/Complete-surrender-98051356 

song of the day #10: close to your heart.

I need Christ.

Today I feel it more than yesterday or the day before.  It's funny really.  I spend so much of my day trying to figure things out, talking them out, thinking about them, asking people's advice and I have the most perfect resource right at my side.

I'm finding lately the only time I'm truly happy is when I'm alone.  It's when I'm silent and quiet by myself, when I have no distractions and no one to talk to that God just fills me up.  I see things in ways I wouldn't when I'm driving or talking.  I appreciate the ice on the sidewalk even though it's like a death trap for the ungraceful like myself.  I appreciate the cold wind on my cheeks and how it makes my nose red and numb.  I appreciate the warmth of my mittens.  I close my eyes and breath in the cold crisp air and breath in the appreciation of being alive.  I breath deeper, gulping it in, feeling like each breath isn't enough.  I smile as the snowflakes catch on my eyelashes and I feel beautiful.  I feel absolute peace.

But when I leave those moments, I lose that peace. 

 

http://krapivka2007.deviantart.com/art/snow-serenity-75396041

song of the day #9: you belong to me.

God has impeccable timing.

Again today I find myself upset and antsy which only solidifies the fact that I need to be spending some time with God and his Word.   I opened my Bible and my eyes fell on Psalm 18.  In my Bible, some of the words are highlighted and have a label of "protection" on them.  Here's what David writes:

I love you Lord; you are my strength.  The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock in whom I find my protection.  He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.  I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from my enemies.  -Psalm 18:1-3

 

http://little-me-starfire.deviantart.com/art/protection-133592900

song of the day #8: the only beautiful thing.

So this evening was one of those evenings where I take too much of my time and peruse iTunes for new music.  Lately, all I've really been listening to is Christian music and so I was determined to find a new CD to add to my collection.

I found some great stuff but nothing that really jumped out to me but I ran across this song called, The Only Beautiful Thing That's In Me by Rush of Fools.  I immediately clicked on the song to preview it because I already had an idea of what it was about.

One of the topics that comes up most often in my Jesus discussions with one of my best friends is how we are absolutely nothing with Christ.  There is nothing good about me without Jesus.  I am nothing worthwhile or of value without him.  That is what this song is all about.

http://fightingtears.deviantart.com/art/Jesus-and-the-Sacred-Heart-20281737

discouraged.

Lately I've been struggling with being easily discouraged.  This morning, while I should be writing a research paper that's due in a couple hours, I found my distracted and antsy.  My heart and mind are on other things and it's keeping me from getting through my day.

I almost left my Bible at home this morning but managed to stuff it into my backpack before I walked out the door.  I was thinking, "I'm not really going to have time to sit down and read my Bible today while I'm at school, so there's no point in bringing it."  How wrong I was.  God was tugging at my heart and telling me to draw near to him this morning.  He knew I was going to be struggling with the amount of work I have today and the exhaustion I left when I woke up this morning.

http://gwarf.deviantart.com/art/Storm-76364795

song of the day #7: cielo.

Cielo means heaven.
And this song by Phil Wickham is an attempt to capture heaven with music.

I bought Phil's CD, Heaven & Earth some time ago and was transfixed on his song, Safe, which I've previously written a blog about, so much that I didn't really delve into the rest of the CD.

It wasn't until the other day when I was writing a blog about another song that Cielo came on shuffle.  I was caught off by the lyric, "I can't sing loud enough when I'm singing for you my God."

It's funny because I've always wanted to be able to write my own music but I always find that other people say so beautifully what I want to say.  This is actually what Phil Wickham does.

http://trocker.deviantart.com/art/To-the-Heaven-69988343

song of the day #6: maneater.

That's right.
Hall and Oates Maneater.

It has no significance other than I LOVE Hall and Oates and this song in particular.  And you are not allowed not to like it.  Just get up and dance.  You know you feel it.

[PS- This came up because I was "gifted" with a Pandora station specifically for Hall and Oates.  One of the best present ever?  I think so.  I can never get enough H&O.]

Check out the original music video.

The shadowy set, the curly mullet, the superb dance moves, and the occasional fades to the panther.  Grade A stuff there.  I freakin' love the 80s.

http://janebond007.altervista.org/img/Maneater.jpg

song of the day #5: made to love.

Today, I had a straight up DANCE PARTY WITH JESUS.
That's right.

As I was driving in my car to go eat Hawaiian pizza with my Pop, I thinking about what I could blog on today.  Just as I was thinking I had no material the song, Made to Love by Toby Mac came on the radio.  I've heard the song a ton but it wasn't until today that I really truly loved it.  I really began listening to the lyrics and the chorus hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was smiling and dancing in my car.  It was phenomenal.  So obviously when I got home to my apartment, I proceeded to listen to the song about three more times, each time my dance moves becoming more ridiculous and extreme.

http://himbeerkuss.deviantart.com/art/wild-hearts-125366269

ah. pictures.

So today I took one of my beautiful roommates for a little photoshoot.  Today was wonderfully warmer than it has been recently so we shot them in the arboretum, Sarah looking cute and springy.  Here are a few of my favorites.  And I apologize for the grainy quality.  The Wal-mart photo center gave me a blank picture CD so I had to improvise by scanning them.

 

song of the day #4: how he loves

Here it is!  Song of the Day part deux!

I heard/sang this song for the first time at IV on Friday night.  It hit me hard.  I've found that recently it has been so easy for me to forget Christ's love for me.  I've been struggling with the concept that he wants ME, that he desires ME, that he wants a relationship with ME.


Our God is a jealous God and he doesn't like things that distract our attention from him.  Recently, I feel like God has been showing me that he will take things out of my life if they are taking me away from him.  It's hard.  Especially when you feel like those things in your life are good things, or beneficial.  But God wants to prove to us that he has it under control and that while we think we know what we want, he truly does know.

http://helja.deviantart.com/art/Wind-38361975

song of the day #3: tunnel.

So today's your lucky day!  You get TWO songs of the day!

Yesterday, I was talking to a good friend of mine and telling him about how recently I've just been really overwhelmed with life general.  He was reassuring me that things would get better and to remember that there's light at the end of the tunnel.  I looked directly at him and said I definitely didn't see it.

Ironically, this song by Third Day came on the radio this morning as I was coming back from church and basically summed up everything he had been telling me.  And not only that, I really felt God saying, "Look, I had him tell you that for a reason.  Do you need to hear it again?"  Obviously I did.  Enjoy.

http://gilad.deviantart.com/art/Coming-Out-of-the-Tunnel-83491238

song of the day #2: let it all out

Let It All Out-  Relient K

let it all out
get it all out
rip it out, remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed
cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

And I'll let it be known, at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength
and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you
and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light

...here is it.  my lesson and prayer for the day.

http://garglesnarfblack.deviantart.com/art/End-of-the-Tunnel-150602181

my heart crys, "hurry!"

my heart is heavy.
it's anxious.
it's asking for something.
something that's time is not now.
here is my opportunity for patience.
to give it over, to let God have it.
Lord, calm the fluttering of my heart.
let me find a peace within you.
calm this anxious heart.
your timing is perfect.
your plan is perfect.
who am i to second guess you?
allow me to fully except your plan.
let me breath you in, take this weight of my heart.

http://vi.sualize.us/view/a6146c7cfb83865633326fe05a0b6437/

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  In those days when you pray, I will listen.  If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.  -Jeremiah 29:11-13

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  his peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 4:6-7 

thinking.

I wanted to write how I've been feeling recently, but I realized I had written something similar last year.  Take a look at "hands up, giving up".

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3234/2679823874_16c517aed2.jpg

"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." -James 1:12